Bringing a new life into this world is undoubtedly one of the most beautiful experiences a woman can go through. However, along with the joy and anticipation, pregnancy also comes with its fair share of anxieties and uncertainties. One aspect that majority of expectant parents encounter is an influx of traumatic birth stories from well-meaning friends, family members, and even strangers.
So, how can you navigate these tales without letting them overwhelm you? Let's dive in!
Understanding the Intent Behind Others Sharing Traumatic Birth Stories
Before feeling daunted or scared by these stories, it's essential to recognise that most people sharing them are not doing so to create fear or anxiety. More often than not, these tales are shared as a form of catharsis, to process their own experiences, offer solidarity, or cautionary advice to help others prepare mentally. By understanding this intent, you can approach these stories with empathy and perspective.
It's also worth noting that (in my humble but experienced opinion), within Australia we don't have great processes and support systems in place for parents to process their birth experiences in an effective manner. After a 'traumatic' birth, medical care providers will usually offer what is referred to as a 'birth debrief', this provides the parents with an understanding of what happened during birth and why things went the way they did. This may give some medical contex however it doesn't usually provide the parents with anything to support their own emotional wellbeing afterward and women deserve better. That being said, I'll get back on track...
8 Tips to Handling Traumatic Birth Stories;
1. Establishing Boundaries
Your mental well-being during pregnancy is paramount, and it's entirely acceptable to protect it by choosing what you expose yourself to. It's crucial to set boundaries when it comes to hearing traumatic birth stories. One way you can politely shut down the conversation is to say "Before you continue... I'd really appreciate it if we could have this conversation after I've given birth. I'm focusing on a positive birth & I don't want to create fear in my mind, I hope you understand."
2. Cancel Cancel
Nod and smile whilst making a conscious decision not to take the story on board or make it mean something that it is simply not. It's not yours. You can say 'cancel cancel' in your mind or imagine slamming down on a big red buzzer or use your creative imagination to change their dvoice or face to make it seem silly or unbelievable.
3. Replace it
For each fear based story you hear or read, counteract them by filling your mind with plenty of positive birth stories. You can find some on my blog listings (search 'birth stories') or you can head to the Hypnobirthing Australia website for more clients who have come through the Positive Birth Program. Here's the link.
4. Question it
Ask yourself (or them);
Is this person an authority in birth?
What model of care or care providers did they have?
Were there any special circumstances (medically or otherwise), which contributed to their experience?
What were their feelings, beliefs and attitudes about birth in the lead up to birth?
What education, tools, support did they have in the lead up to birth?
What would they do next time to improve their experience?
5. Get Educated
Partake in independent childbirth education which provides evidence based birth education with coping tools and techniques for birth. Like our course! To learn more head here. This will give you a well rounded knowledge of birthing wisdom, techniques, support and preparation for a positive birth experience.
6. Build Self-Belief
Rather than focusing on your fears, focus in on your strengths! Journal down all the times in your life you've accomplished something difficult (think in terms of finance, career, sports, academia, travel, personal growth, social etc.). Think of as many big and small wins you've had that have taken time, determination, focus, consistency and patience. Then consider the personal strengths and traits these things demonstrate about you. Give yourself some credit!
7. Reframe Limiting / Negative Belief Patterns
List down any limiting fears or beliefs you have about yourself and birth. Question them all - are they actually true? Or have you just made a habit of saying these things, perhaps they are just things that others say to themselves or that someone else has said to you that isn't actually true. Ask yourself, if these beliefs highlight any areas that you need to learn or get some support on. Now, go ahead and reframe each belief to something more positively focused. Remember, the language we use is important, it's energy in motion.
8. Release the Fear!
After writing down your list of fears from Tip 7. listen to our Hypnobirthing Fear Release track - you can purchase it here if you don't already have it. Then, it's time to rip up those fears once and for all.
Lastly, Remember, Your Journey is Unique
Every pregnancy and birth experience is different, just as every woman's story is unique. While it can be valuable to listen to others' experiences, it's essential to remember that your journey will be one-of-a-kind. Trust in your body's capabilities, stay connected with your instincts, and believe in your strength to navigate whatever comes your way.
By following these steps, you can approach traumatic birth stories with resilience and grace, ensuring that they empower rather than overwhelm you during this special time in your life. Embrace the narratives that resonate with you, seek the support you need, and look forward to your journey with confidence and optimism.
Remember, you are stronger than you think, and the miracle of birth is a testament to the incredible strength and courage within YOU.
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